babbling on

 so like i went bald and obviously i'd look like an egg but duhh it'll grow back eventually and honestly it felt like really good to touch like i love short hair and and you know i went to like school with it right and i went to my friend group and i went like "im bald lol im jessy pinkan" and i took off the beanie and i was like "yo mista whyte!!!" and they immediately started poking fun at me for even doing this like 😂🤣 omg duhh 😗😗obviously it would look like an egg 🙄but anyways the insults thrown at me felt heavier than what it was in my head, because like they're being said by real people right in front of me right LOL idk.

something about the difference between my fuzzy thoughts and the sharp reality just makes terrible things even worse yk? you get what im putting down? anyways ive been sick for the past few weeks and i reevaluted those moments with friends and now i feel like a total fucking idiot for even embarrassing myself in the first place by saying incriminating and outrageous things that would make my friends laugh because thats my entire purpose in life. to make people laugh and feel good. not me. i dont deserve that bliss. i'm just a passing thought in their life it's not like i make a difference 🤷‍♂️😂 i don't even think i should be affected by it 🙆‍♂️ because like its all just fun and games you know they're just making little jokes about what i look like

not that they even thought about how it feels to affirm my identity through shaving off all of my hair 🤣 i mean i look even more like a teenage boy now this is the best ive felt. and my hair?! oh my HAIR. it just feels so soft and smooth. way better than when i had longer hair. so like i